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I am widely considered to be an honest friend, sometimes even brutally so.I want to support my friends through the difficulty of what they are experiencing but I often find myself saying something flippant in order to avoid the reality of the situation.Which brings me to back to you, DTH, and your question about how you can help your two friends.You may not realize how damaging your “I feel so sorry for them” attitude is.
(For women: tall, skinny, large breasts, smooth long hair, carefully applied makeup that doesn’t look like makeup.
And I don’t mean that she was “nice” or “had a great personality.” I mean that she was a normal-looking woman who, I was sure, many men would find attractive and sexy — and easily fall in love with — if she didn’t walk around with a sign on her forehead that said, “I hope you can get past how ugly I am.” Together, we looked at why she had a history of spending so much time in situations that made her feel bad.
I wondered what she liked about the friends she chose — both in high school and since then — given how often she felt bad after spending time with them. Instead, she said, they made her feel that she was cool and funny and entertaining enough to hang out with, even if she wasn’t the prettiest. Still, I wanted Holly to consider why she also felt “depressed” after hanging out with her friends.
Dear Therapist, Please bear with me as I try to give some context for what is going to sound very unpleasant.
I am a reasonably attractive woman in her early 30s.