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The fact that you broke up wasn't a failure on your part; things just didn't work out, and they might not work out with this new person either. People don't choose people based on checklists; each person will appeal to someone for a different reason. Your ex's new significant other is not your replacement.Your ex moving on is not a testament to your inadequacy. Your relationship was unique and special and nothing can ever take away from that.A lot of my friends have confessed they've felt the same way, especially when they're forced to find out through social media.Discomfort with an ex publicly pairing up again is also acknowledged in pop culture; after Marnie breaks up with Charlie on , she obsesses over the other woman she sees in his Facebook photos."Most people don't want to feel expendable, rejected, or out of control," sex and relationships therapist Cathy Beaton tells Bustle."Maybe she's just a friend," I thought — until I saw comments from her friends like "he's a cutie! With the first ex, I still relied on him for emotional support the way I did when we were dating, and seeing him with someone else made me wonder if we could still have as close a relationship.Plus, when I broke up with him, he said he refused to move on and planned to marry me — a promise he obviously couldn't keep, but it planted in the back of my mind the assumption that if I ever had a change of heart, he would be there.Your ex will never experience with this new person exactly what they did with you.If your ex moved on before you did, you might feel as if they won or wonder why you didn't find someone else first.

(This is a little difficult for me because my husband and I began dating behind my then-serious boyfriend's back.If anything, it has helped me know that my friendships with exes were genuine and not ploys to get back together.If you can confide in your ex about your current relationship, perhaps that's the ultimate sign you've moved on — to a friendship that's just as special.Beaton would advise people who are upset when their exes move on: "Put this person in your past where he belongs, think of what you've learned from the experience, and get busy finding another partner who appreciates you."Your ex did not get an upgrade.The person they're dating now is not necessarily smarter, more attractive, or kinder than you. Comparing yourself to your ex's new partner, whether to wonder if they're better than you or to wonder if they're similar to you, will lead you down the wrong line of reasoning.

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