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I have a friend in Los Angeles who was born with no legs and is happily married. But that doesn’t mean that you have to be the lid, Carol.

It was fair of me not to date a former drug addict I met online.

I know my kids are young, but they will be independent adults one day. A man is allowed to not want to date a 400lb woman if he doesn’t find her attractive.

Am I being selfish or shallow in my fear of this undertaking? Thanks for asking such an honest and challenging question, Carol. A woman is allowed to not want to date a guy who looks like her father if she doesn’t find him attractive. Which is just my long lead-in to suggest that your concern about the effects of an autistic child on your life is entirely reasonable.

We can parse and say that it’s not someone’s “fault” for being depressed or having an autistic child.

But it doesn’t really change the gravity of the situation for the person who is taking on a loving person’s challenging situation.

It will be life changing if I choose him as a partner, for me and my kids.Is this a valid reason to keep looking for a different partner? One of the things I’ve learned over thirteen years of giving advice is this: if I ever dare suggest that someone is entitled to not want to date you, I am perceived as an insensitive asshole. In fact, if you were to not consider the effects of being a stepmother and caretaker to a special-needs child, you could be considered hopelessly naïve.If I tell a woman that it’s okay for her not to marry the penniless, 46-year-old, always-between-jobs Peter Pan guy, then those guys will feel I’m denying their basic humanity, when, in fact, all I’m doing is letting the woman know that there are plenty of other fish in the sea that she will not have to financially support. A quick Google search reveals that the annual cost of autism therapy can exceed ,000 to ,000 per year and that the lifetime cost to support an individual with autism is greater than .2 million. I am currently in a relationship with a great man who has kids of his own.My dilemma is that one of his children is special needs (autistic) and will likely never live independently, only possibly in a group home as a young adult in his 20s.

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