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For example, she’ll tell you about a guy who hit on her and then mention how weird he was.“It’s her way of nudging you and letting you know there’s competition,” says Yue Xu, dating expert at The mind game of playing hard to get is so widely reinforced in popular culture that I feel a little ridiculous even asking these questions, but I think they’re worth probing.Boiled down to its most primitive logic, playing hard to get seems to have three intended outcomes:1.She’s the opposite of an over-sharer: She’s busy, sometimes flaky, and always vague about the details.When you ask her about her day, she hints at an exciting event at work but fails to follow through with the story.

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Per the story my parents have rehashed for years, hard to get was the domino that tipped their relationship from dating into engagement.My mom has been a hard to get devotee since the tender age of 16, when she developed her first crush on a boy who would always wait until the last minute to ask her to hang out.Every afternoon, she would pull up a stool and wait by the phone for him to call. “Next time he calls last minute, you’re going to very sweetly tell him you already have plans,” she said. Nevertheless, the next time he called, my mother begrudgingly played coy and turned down his invitation. He never called last minute again.“It made me think that my grandmother had some sort of mystical wisdom,” my mom told me.That same wisdom, as it turns out, has been propagated as the gold standard of dating advice for centuries.When I told Jennifer Wright, author of , that I was curious about the historical origins of this approach to courtship, she quipped, “If you think about it, Anne Boleyn is kind of the original queen (literally) of the hard-to-get strategy, because she initially refused to become Henry VIII’s mistress.”Touché. If you like someone, why purposefully act as if you in order to get them to like you back?

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