Dating for separated
Throwing himself into dating or another relationship may temporarily make him feel better – but it only postpones the inevitable inner work that needs to be done. It symbolizes the completion of an old life – a finished chapter – as well as the freedom and independence to create a new future (ahem, a new relationship, possibly with you! Ask him this: If, in fact, the divorce decree isn’t a big deal (like he says), then why doesn’t he just get it done? Then ask him if he thinks it’s fair and reasonable to expect you to continue dating Hmmm… You know it’s possibly because he’s still emotionally “holding onto her”, too, right? If you pay attention, you’ll see flashes of it — in his eyes, his periods of silence or in his body language.
The real reason his divorce hasn’t been finalized could be because of unfinished legal business. Often, his anger will be directed towards his wife – not necessarily through long rants but through small jabs, backhanded remarks and seething sarcasm disguised as humour.
The bottom line is that going through a divorce requires a lot of him – he must grieve, heal, hash through legalities, potentially adjust to single parenting and financial limitations, as well as rediscover a new sense of who he is today.
It is a process that requires time, self-awareness and hard work.
Dating while separated is possible, but only if you’re 100% honest with yourself and your potential partner. Let yourself heal and get used to your own company before seeking out a new relationship. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
If you chose to proceed in dating him, I caution you to proceed slowly and with eyes wide open. Comments like, “Bah, I just want it over,” or “Doesn’t matter, we’ve been strangers for years,” may seem casual, even confident — but they also mask what’s going on underneath and behind the scenes.While it’s true that you do need to be extra mindful of your needs and motivations, dating while separated isn’t impossible.Follow these tips to help you figure out if you’re ready for dating while separated, or dating someone who is separated but not divorced and how to get the most out of dating if you decide to take the plunge.On the other hand, you’re still legally married and some ties are still there.Some relationship experts will speak against dating during separation, but not divorced.